heartbroken

   How do I completely start over. From scratch. And forget how I lived before?

I have no clue.

   On weekends I would hang out with my best friends and go exploring.

Now I’m scared to go explore the jungle. Cause #1 I would be by myself. And #2 I don’t know who to borrow a machete from. And #3 if I get bit by a snake and can’t walk, then I die in the jungle.

   I use to spend my free time on social media or texting friends, when I wasn’t already with them.

Well lately, either the power has been out, or the internet doesn’t work. So I’m stuck with reading the Bible (I think I read through half of it in the past three days), or books so deep I can’t handle reading more than a couple pages at a time.

   My house was never quiet and I would always goof off with my sister if all else failed.

Here there are two or three college-aged kids at the max. They all speak English, but normally, other than Leah, they are talking all in Spanish.

   When I got frustrated or even bored, I went running, or hit the volleyball against the side of the house.

I don’t get frustrated, just bored. And I can’t go running cause no one else wants to run up a mountain with me. Lame.

   How do I forget the friendships and relationships that I was in contact with everyday, and was so close to? And now I feel like I dropped off the face of the earth because I can’t talk to any of them some days.

Because I can’t forget.

I can’t forget the memories.

The laughter.

The adventures.

The bonding moments.

And the heart to hearts.

   There’s nothing I can do about it.

AND IT SUCKS.

   I have to go on living some days like they don’t exist cause there is no way to contact them.

   I have to live in the present to survive. But some days, I don’t know how.

   Yeah I have new friends and I’m STILL meeting new people. Which is good. But its not the same.

I long for the known. The familiar.

   But it’s not coming. And my heart can’t rest because that’s all I crave.

Ok, that’s all. Sorry that it was so depressing. Hopefully I’ll have something interesting to blog about soon.